Week 210 motherhood – sickness, friends, Cantonese Triple P, big news

Drawing in the sand with a stick

Week 210 motherhood with 4 year old and 21 month old.

Word count of this blog post: 5,000+.

September 19 to 25, 2024:

September 25: What a whirlwind it’s been! Especially when you read what’s happened on the very last day of this week. 👀
To begin with, last Thursday continued with us staying at home because the 21 month old was sick (with a cough, runny nose, and mild fever). I was bitter about this because I had planned EarlyON programs to attend with her all week (we missed last Wednesday’s third Twinkle Toes class) and the Thursday Songs, Rhymes, and Stories in Mandarin class — all because her cold could have been avoided had a family member told us ahead of time her kids were sick and we could have postponed the outing so that our child wouldn’t have gotten infected too. It really messes with our plans and I really despise parents who think it is okay to bring their visibly sick kids around other people without telling them in advance. Thankfully, the 4 year old’s brief sickness was short and she didn’t have any symptoms and went to school just fine. Grandma’s cold was slowly ending, DH’s cold was still continuing, and I was thankfully spared completely.
On the Friday, DH accompanied me to an appointment while grandma stayed at home with the 21 month old. Afterwards, we were able to try the taco stand on John Street finally.
On Friday, the 4 year old had a supply teacher unexpectedly. This was actually the day that we wrote a note to the teacher asking her to consider putting the child and her friend next to each other at lunchtime and during class so that they could bond and hopefully it will lead the child to being comfortable to play and eat at school. Since the teacher wasn’t there and it was a supply teacher, our teacher didn’t see our note and wouldn’t see it until she returned after the weekend. Alas, another day to wait.
The child said she didn’t eat or drink at school again. Her pull-up was actually heavy because she did pee in it. She told us that she did. She’s fully aware and cognizant of it too. At home and on the weekend, she pees in the toilet completely independently. In fact, she uses the toilet without the training seat or ladder because it is low enough for her. The toilet that we have upstairs is a higher seat; that’s the one where she has to use the teddy bear ladder for. All in all to say that she’s much more independent these days than before she started school. I surmise that it must be because she sees so many kids her age during the day at school do things independently so she is starting to want to do things herself too. I’m so proud of her. ❤
Speaking of which, the 21 month old shows an interest in using the toilet to pee too. She sometimes will ask us to take her diaper off and sit her on the toilet so she can pee. It’s a hit or miss. It really would be cool to see at what point she actually starts being potty trained. I guess it might be after she starts talking more first.
And because the 21 month old has been sick, she hasn’t been sleeping well at all. She falls asleep as usual with DH on the couch downstairs but then doesn’t want to sleep in her own bed even when she’s passed out. For two nights, DH had to accompany her to sleep on the couch and barely slept in our own bed upstairs. It was really tough for him (hope he is more diligent about asking about people’s wellness before we meet in the future! This is a learning lesson and one I never hope to repeat again because it’s already happened twice with the same person).
In the morning too, the 21 month old asked for me and DH brought her to the bed so she could sleep next to me. She likes to sleep cheek-to-cheek right next to my head. It’s like she is used to sleeping next to me again when she used to nurse. 🥰 I miss it a lot and will savour these moments that she wants to sleep next to me so closely again. She’s like my little baby. I am also just so glad that despite being so close to me, I didn’t pick up any of her cold germs.
The 4 year old has been eating her lunch and snacks after school at the picnic table every single day. She is getting used to sharing the picnic table with other strangers. We reassure her that the person(s) won’t engage with us and that we’re just minding our own business.
After school, she’s been playing with mud and sand. She likes to pour water from her water bottle into the soil to make it wet and then sprinkle sand and gravel on to it.
She enjoys taking off her shoes to walk in the sand these days too.
She also has been enjoying drawing in the sand with sticks that she finds. She has been writing letters in the sand and drawing pictures too. She wrote the letters “H”, “K,” “A”, “Y”, “I” without being prompted or showed how. She is definitely learning the alphabet from somewhere!
In fact, she found a small branch/twig and wanted to wait until 5 p.m. for her friend to come so that she could show it to her. So sweet and cute. We waited but her friend never showed up. However, we then saw her inside of the kindergarten gates and her dad coming to get her. I asked her to put on her shoes immediately so that she could walk to the gates to see her friend. She took her time and by the time she was done, the dad already picked up the child and walked back into the school doors. The child was so sad and really wanted to show her friend the twig.
So then we walked to the front of the after-care doors and waited for them to come out from there. We waited maybe 5 minutes but they never came out. The child asked me to use the padlock key to open the door and go inside to wait for her friend. She saw other parents doing so when picking up their kid. I told her that I didn’t know the number to open the door.
Thankfully, we then saw the dad and the friend walk to the parking lot from the other side and went to say hi to them. The child, upon us walking to the friend, showed her timid side again and turned her body away. I told the friend that my daughter had been waiting for her after school and wanted to show her the stick she found. It was so cute. Then the friend also said bye to the 21 month old too before they had to go.
I was really glad that my 4 year old was able to see her friend that day because she so eagerly wanted to see her and show her what she found. It’s so endearing to see that she has such a strong connection with a new friend already. This is exactly the reason why we wrote the note to the teacher because we see the strong affinity they have towards each other. They still hold hands during recess time and before school too when they enter the classroom doors together.
The friend takes the school bus to school and one time, my child arrived to school earlier than normal and her friend didn’t show up yet. Grandma then noticed the friend coming off of the school bus with the other kids and that’s how we learned that she takes the school bus to school. It’s absolutely adorable that they wait for each other now and stand together in line to go inside the classroom too.
DH actually made a homemade cake for the 4 year old’s birthday too but we ate it later than her birthday. It was a homemade banana chocolate ice cream cake! I can’t believe he made ice cream from scratch. Instead of the “shake shake” method, he did a similar method by by flash-freezing it instead. The ice cream was really good. The children are so lucky to have a hands-on dad who enjoys cooking and making food from scratch!
On the Friday, grandma and I had an impromptu fancy mommy-daughter dinner date at a lobster restaurant while DH took the kids to his parents’ place. It’s such an unspeakable joy to be able to eat unlimited lobster without any kids talking or interrupting the meal.
I’m really glad that both kids are adjusting to dining with the grandparents more and more now. The 4 year old is very at ease in their home and their presence makes their grandmother so happy.
On the Saturday, the plan was to attend the Songs, Stories, and Rhymes in Cantonese and Mandarin session at the Richmond Hill library. We actually got there 3 minutes before it began but still all the spots had already been taken and they were full! Wow. This program is so popular now! We really have to arrive earlier next time they host this program in order to get into their first-come-first-serve program.
It was unfortunate too because they used to hold the session in the open carpet area so even if we were late, let’s say, we could still listen and sit in from afar. This time, they changed it so that the program was held inside of the small glassed room next to the kids’ area. This meant we weren’t able to listen in easily. There were other parents who arrived after us who were crestfallen to learn that they didn’t have a spot either.
When they started the program though, we did hear some of the singing through the glassed room and both kids stood near the room to peer in and listen. It reminded me of an old story where a poor child was not able to afford going to school and instead would listen in to the kids learning outside in order to learn. That’s exactly what we were doing here.
After 5 minutes or so, a mom and her child actually left the room because she said her child was hungry. Thus, grandma and the 21 month old were able to enter the room since a spot was vacated. I was glad they got to go in. The 4 year old listened from outside for a while and then when I said I wanted to move our bags closer to us (because I had left them on the table), the child said she wanted to continue colouring at the table. So that’s what we did.
During the midway point, the EarlyON facilitators took a break at which point many parents and kids actually left and there were open spots for us. Thus, the second segment (with the Cantonese part), me and the 4 year old were able to join too. Yay! It’s such good quality programming that the EarlyON staff put on. It’s no wonder that some parents get there so early to get a spot. In the past, as long as we arrived before the start time, we were able to get a spot. It’s the first time that we didn’t get a spot despite being early.
After this, the kids ate snacks in the library (I was surprised they allowed us and didn’t have a designated space for eating elsewhere in the library instead). We looked at some books too but the 4 year old was mainly eating. We looked at a book about snakes and birds. DH was at his parents’ place doing longevitology adjustment on his mom. Then when he was done, we all congregated together at a Hong Kong style cafe that we haven’t visited yet for lunch.
That late afternoon, I met up with a friend to walk around Austin Drive Park and chit-chat. I always appreciate that this friend and I catch up over long walks instead of at a restaurant. It’s zero cost and 100% great for our health to be outdoors and walking. DH was amazing enough to accompany me (drive me) there and the kids could play at the playground in the meantime (the younger one actually passed out in the car). The 4 year old loved playing in the playground especially as no one else was there for most of the time.
When the 21 year old woke up, she sat on the swings and my friend pushed her for a while. She was “shy” and didn’t look at her directly but was okay being pushed and then with being carried out too. Later, the 4 year old was laughing at how her sister was being pushed by my friend and taken out of the swings too. Silly girl.
The 21 month old really enjoyed climbing up the playground and then walking down the stairs. She did it at least three times in a row.
I have a picture of the 4 year old standing on the porch wearing her lunch bag around her neck and looking into it. She looks so much like grandma when she is digging around in her purse too lol.
On the Sunday, grandma and I had an eyebrows appointment. DH stayed home with the kiddos.
On the Monday and Tuesday, the child’s teacher was again covered by a supply teacher. However, she was there at pickup time. She told us that she was teaching a literacy program for those two days and that’s why there was a supply teacher. She had seen my note from Friday and asked me what I meant by it…. um, I was a bit taken back by her question because I thought that my note was crystal clear already: just put the child next to her friend in class as a method to having her warm up to playing and eating there.
The teacher told me that “of course, kindergartners don’t have arranged seating plans” (well, how was I supposed to know?) and she had been doing that from the beginning already and that the friend was her “go-to” student for helping my child adjust to the classroom. Even when the friend brings her lunch bag out on the table, my child still doesn’t want to eat. Or anything that the friend tries to do, the child doesn’t want to do it. Okay, in that case, that was fine. I didn’t know that this was tried already.
I also told her they have a strong affinity towards each other because of the way they told hands at recess time and that my child asks to wait for my friend until 5 p.m. for her to finish her after-care program to see her. They don’t even play directly with each other but they like being with each other. The teacher asked me if I would enroll her in the after-care program then. I asked her “how long is the after-care program for?” She literally exclaimed, “I don’t know!” which seems like an unprofessional response (she always talks to me like I’m her casual friend instead of a teacher-parent relationship). I mean if she doesn’t know, why can’t she say something like “I don’t know but I can find out for you” instead?
I told her that it wouldn’t make sense to enroll her in an after-care program because she’s already starving by the time school ends at 3 and she eats right away at the picnic table. Enrolling her in an after-care class when we know she isn’t ready to eat with others yet means she’ll be starving for another 2 hours and it makes no sense.
The teacher said I could enroll her for half an hour then so they could play together. But I said that isn’t worth my time either (nor my money). It’s kind of ridiculous the ideas she comes up with. If the child isn’t comfortable in a school environment yet, would putting her in the same one for a longer period of time make her more comfortable??
On this day, DH was at work so he wasn’t there with me to listen to the teacher unfortunately because she ended up talking to me from the time before the school bell rang to like 15 minutes afterwards. I honestly did not want to talk to her for 15 minutes. She is very high strung and stresses me out. She told me that she didn’t want me doing a fear ladder with my child but asked what kind of a reward system she could do in the classroom with her. I told her (and reminded her briefly) again of the the “trauma” incident with the child at EarlyON and ever since then, she’s needed lots of time to recover and heal from that experience to gain confidence again. But again, I don’t think the teacher truly “hears” me and what I’m saying to her.
She again asked me if there was anything I could do at home to bridge the “gap” that she’s missing at school. I told her there is nothing I can do to duplicate the circumstance at home to be like school for her to “bridge the gap”. It’s just impossible. She isn’t comfortable at school yet, so we have to wait for her on her own time to choose to do it herself.
My ultimate answer every time is that the child needs time. But I don’t think the teacher knows what I mean by “time”. Giving her time means that you literally do nothing. You don’t implement strategies. You don’t force her to do things she’s not ready to do. You don’t hound her with the same request every single hour. You don’t stress out about the issue because it only makes it worse. You literally just make sure that the child is safe and not doing anything to harm themselves or others and that’s it. You have to wait for the child to come to you when she’s ready. But we don’t think the teacher is patient to do this. It’s really frustrating.
The child said that she wanted to know the supply teacher’s name and that she didn’t want her original teacher to come back… lol. Grandma called it early on already — that the child doesn’t like her teacher. Her body language shows that she doesn’t like talking to her or even looking at her.
On the Tuesday, the 21 month old had recovered well enough that I brought her to another Family Stay and Play EarlyON session. I brought her by myself so that grandma could rest (and since I was familiar with this location already, we didn’t need two adults).
She played with some of the kitchen toys, the doctor set again, various toys, sat and laid down on the kid sofa (so comfortable for her), read/skimmed some books, and then we did circle time with songs and dancing. She enjoys it.
When it was time to leave, we washed our hands as usual. She then wanted to eat a snack. She was fussy and didn’t want to leave but I told her the program was over and we could eat in the car. She snacked away on her homemade pizza and fruits and milk. By the time I started driving home, she was passed out in the car seat. Yay! Mission accomplished haha.
The last couple of days (ever since the 21 month old was sick), it has just been grandma doing the drop-offs by herself. The 4 year old doesn’t even ask for me anymore to take her in the mornings so I let grandma do it herself. Grandma watches how the child walks into the gate herself and stands next to her friend and holds her hand to enter the classroom. The friend asks her something too and the child nods. She insists that she doesn’t know English but by week 3 of school now, we certainly know she understands it but is just unwilling to voice it or speak it.
When she says the English word “dinosaur” now, there’s no accent to it. It literally sounds like the proper English word. It’s bittersweet to hear. I know she’s gravitating towards the English language soon and will lose the Canto bit by bit — but we have to stay committed to using it at home with her for it to stay.
On the Wednesday, I had another doctor’s appointment to attend to but also had signed up for the Triple P virtual session in Cantonese. We had planned to record it but realized at the last minute that it was a real-live session where the program person talks to you as opposed to just a one-sided presentation. Thus, I recruited grandma to participate in the program last-minute. It worked out well this week because I signed up for this Cantonese version primarily for grandma to learn and hear about what Triple P is too since she’s such an integral part to the child rearing in our family. I’m glad she didn’t have anything else to do that morning either otherwise we would have had to scrap the program entirely.
We brought the 21 month old with us to the doctor’s appointment. It was her first time there. Lo and behold, when it was time to go back home, she actually fell asleep in the car lol.
Grandma learned a lot from the seminar and I’m so glad it worked out this way after all. She asked the facilitator about the child’s situation of not eating at school, not participating in the class, and not going to the washroom. The facilitator gave some great advice which was to stop asking her about eating every single day. Just give it a rest. And that most kids don’t eat lunch at school anyway. They’re just not hungry and if they are hungry, they will eat eventually. Yes, exactly! What we always know!
She said that the peeing in the pull-ups thing though has to stop. The child is old enough now to know how to use the toilet and is just doing it because the pull-ups is a security blanket for her. Once she pees in her pants, she will learn not to do it again by going to the toilet at school next time. Yes, definitely, we understand and know we need to do it soon too. But also, she asked grandma if the child said why she doesn’t like going to the toilet at school. And the answer is that she said she doesn’t like the toilet seat there. So it’s actually a valid reason that she has to not wanting to use the toilet.
And lastly, the facilitator said that the child has improved a lot already. She says we have to adjust our expectations for the child and have realistic ones (translated from Cantonese from what I heard at least). She’s already making friends and slowly integrating into the class. It will just take time.
On this day, I brought the 21 month old to the very last Twinkle Toes class. This time, we didn’t leave early because I knew that I didn’t have to be there at pick-up anymore. I let DH go instead. It was such a nice wonderful session. I really appreciate how warm, friendly, and enthusiastically fun the facilitators there are. I love that there are 3 of them in the group and bring the energy up. There were fewer families today there too, so I’m glad the facilitators were there.
It was a multiculturalism theme today and the kids got to play with props like drums (2 different kinds), fans, scarves, and flags to different songs. I resisted carrying the 21 month old today too and it worked. She stood on her own during songs or sat down when we were all seated. I was able to get in some steps and exercise too this way. When we were doing the African “pole dance” song, the 21 month old was having so much fun walking around the circle and smiling so big. The facilitators were so happy to see her big smile. So fun and different to bring this child to EarlyONs. I can’t wait for more. I hope another location does Twinkle Toes again. I really enjoy it. And this time because we were able to stay the entire time, the child was all warmed up after 30 minutes and didn’t show any fear or hesitation either. She always brings the props back to the facilitators too.
At the end, we had 10 minutes before we had to leave and the 21 month old played with the wooden trucks, cars, and planes there. She then ate her snack in the car and then again passed out on the way back home. She is an easy child so far. Easy to put into and take out of car seats (no fuss), eats well, stops eating when she’s full, and then passes out in the car when we leave an event. So nice and easy! ^_^
The 4 year old had their first library book borrowing today! She said her friend helped her choose this book “Caring for Your Lion” by Tammi Sauer. She showed us the library bag that she put the book in and told us about the process. Well, I did ask her prompt questions like did she pick the book herself, did they scan the book and bag, when does she need to return the book, etc.
She told us that she didn’t eat at school again. She said that she held her friend’s hand during recess time and that they were running around otherwise.
She told us that there was a teacher figure who asked her today why she wasn’t eating. The teacher figure took out her fruit bag and asked if her mom cut up her apples for her to eat. The child didn’t say anything though. DH and I wondered if that was perhaps the vice-principal who came to talk to her…
Anyway, the big huge news at the end of this week comes around 9 p.m. when DH was checking our e-mail inbox (for some reason I still don’t know why my e-mails don’t come up as notifications on my phone) and saw the newsletter that we received: the child’s kindergarten teacher was going to be changed to someone else!!! :O :O :O 😯😲😲🤯🤯🤯🤯
He was so shocked that he immediately came upstairs to find me to tell me to read the e-mail too. Wow. I can’t believe it. The child’s wish came true. Her kindergarten teacher is indeed going away and will be someone else as per next Monday!
The newsletter doesn’t explain why she’s leaving other than the fact that it’s a “Ministry Compliance Reorganization” at the school which “has created
some changes in staffing.” It lists the new teacher’s name and that she comes from a “wealth of experience” and excited to meet the students and families. Wow. I still can’t believe it. I immediately messaged my friends who know about my child’s situation to talk about it.
My teacher friend who teaches kindergarten told me that it’s common nowadays for kids to have up to 7 to 8 teachers in one school year because of all the reorganization that’s being done — due to LTOs and permanent positions changing and that sometimes students don’t even have supply teachers anymore because there’s such a short supply of teachers. Wow. It’s almost scary. It could be reaching epidemic proportions if the provincial government doesn’t do more to entice people to enter the education field soon.
I really hope the new teacher is experienced and good and suitable for my child. We need a solid, reliable traditional kindergarten teacher who understands and cares what about a child is going through. She should understand the WHOLE child instead of what a new teacher might overlook. She needs to have a patient personality and willingness to listen to what the parents’ advice is — after all, who better than the parent to know the child? Although my child didn’t participate in the activity centres yet, I hope the new teacher offers similar fun and educational activities for the kids too. I liked that they had yoga on Wednesdays and seeing what they were doing from the photos she shared on the school platform. I hope we can work together to help the child overcome her unwillingness to eat and void in the classroom and slowly join the class too. She has so much interest and potential but she’s put off by the teacher who kept forcing her to do things since the first week of school.
I can’t believe by next Monday, she’ll have a new teacher. It’s mind-blowing how soon this happened and a little bit of a miracle because we were honestly feeling at our wits’ ends with how this teacher was approaching the child’s issues. I didn’t even like talking to her anymore because her after-school talks were stressing me out. My teacher friend told me that kindergarten shouldn’t be this stressful…
Anyway, that’s the big huge news. Thanks for reading another long blog post. 😀
Oh, and this week, the 21 month old continues to love me reading to her. She will say the living room has no books (“mo”) and then take me to the family room where most of her board books are. She will pick out books one by one for me to read to her. Sometimes, she will skip pages in a book and other times, she’ll patiently wait for me to read every word in a book before we pick another one.
I read the French book to her for the first time (I was lazy for a while and only described the pictures to her in Cantonese). She actually stayed glued to the book because the French language was new to her. I will stop being lazy and read to her the French book going forward lol.
There’s a book that we have that talks about Chinese and English phrases. When I read the motions out to her like “squat”, “walk”, “run,” “sit down”, she actually did the correct corresponding motion too. She comprehends well.