The solar eclipse as seen from my backyard in Markham on April 8, 2024 at 3:04 p.m.

Week 186 motherhood with 3.5 year old and 15 month old: 

April 4 to 10, 2024:

• April 4:  The 3 year old didn’t want to attend the third session of the JTK program at the Thornhill location initially, but DH purposely stayed home to work remotely so that he could accompany us there.  She is more comfortable with DH with her (I guess because I’ve temporarily lost her trust after bringing her to the Markham JTK and she fears I will be leaving her behind).  Yesterday and in the morning, she continued to say she didn’t want to attend.  However, DH was able to persuade her and even got her changed despite her crying and whining.  Great job, DH.
• I encouraged her to pack her own lunch box with snacks (she enjoys this) and they were out the door before I was even ready (it’s better this way because at least she’s out the door and I’m just the last one to leave).
• It was the third session of the JTK program and this week’s theme was “misbehaviour versus stress behaviour”.  DH said it was the same topic at the Aurora location except they termed it “emotion regulation” there.
• I liked that we actually spent a lot of time together in the classroom before the parents had to “separate” from the children.  We spent at least 30 minutes playing together first.
• I noticed that our picture that we took from the first session was developed and hung on the tree near the doorway.  It was so special and definitely promoted a sense of belonging (one of the key factors in assembling to a new environment).  I also hung her name on the tree (to show we “checked in”/as a form of attendance).  The 3 year old didn’t want to hang her name up, so I did it for her (she wanted me to).
• DH read a book with her (she was super curled up into him because she was still warming up at that point).
• When we entered the building actually, I expressed my joy to one of the facilitators that “we made it inside today!” (Because last week, we made it to the building but didn’t enter as she was not comfortable and we went to the next-door library instead).  It was a win at least to enter the building successfully.
• We played with the kinetic sand at the sensory table (so calming watching the soft kinetic sand fall from the tongs).  She enjoyed it and used tongs to scoop the sand into a bowl and then later used her hands too.
• We also did some painting with a spray water bottle, but she wasn’t too too into it.
• Then it was time for the parents’ component to begin.  The facilitators purposely set up a different environment this time.  There were blinding light shining at us, scattered blocks on the floor, and loud construction noise coming from a speaker as we tried to do the “good afternoon” train song.  One of the parents actually shut off the speaker because she found it too noisy.  All was revealed when the facilitators said it was done on purpose to start the program so that we felt “uncomfortable” and “stressed”.  This was what it would be like for kids to feel stressed and uneasy in an uncomfortable environment and how it affects their food and behaviour.  This Thornhill location is brilliant at teaching concepts to us.  Seriously amazing facilitators!
• They asked us how we felt and we said it was a stressful environment, loud, uncomfortable.
• We cleared up the area to make it more comfortable and inviting again by clearing off the blocks together, removing the blinding lights, and putting back the circle carpet in the middle, turned on some gentle music (that they usually have on), had some lights shine up on the ceiling, and everyone could take a blanket to sit or or a mat to sit on.  It was a different environment completely once this was done.  Much more calming.
• We listened to some sounds and they asked us the 3Cs:  3 things you hear, 3 things you see, and 3 things you smell.  Ideally, this activity would be done outdoors in nature.  There were birds chirping, pitter-patter of the rain, some moving water sounds, and we pictured that we were inside of a forest.
• We were invited to take some fidget toys and meditation cards from the shelf (“Yay,” I said to DH, “we get to play!).  This was so great as we got to play hands-on with toys and experience what it’s like as kids.  The meditation cards had some great tips and techniques on calming kids and directing their attention.  The 3 year old enjoyed the toys too.  There were fidget spinners, a band with lots of plastic strings coming off of it, a purple squishy “string”, stuffed animals, and coloured liquid inside of bottles that you could move around (not sure what they’re called).
• We listened to the facilitators go through the PowerPoint which was projected on the wall.  These facilitators are so natural and casual about the program that they never make it seem boring at all.  They incorporate lots of their own experience as mothers and how they experience misbehaviour/stress behaviour with their kids.  It’s all so great.
• It’s too bad that we missed the second session last week.  I think if DH was available to come with us, she would have been okay too.  She seemed much better today and even smiled at one of the facilitators when we left.  I think she now knows that no one is forcing her to leave and separate from us and is much more comfortable again.  Slow baby steps as we progress back to where we were before.  Sigh.  (*shakes fist at the Markham JTK program for ruining everything*).
• Stressful things include:  smells, group activities, too much visual stimulation.  (There were more but I can’t recall them right now).
• It makes sense as our child is sensitive to smells, doesn’t like to participate in many group activities (likes to watch instead), and can get easily stimulated when there are too many people or things going on.  And as the facilitators mentioned, this is not just things that are stressful for children but for adults as well.
• As it was raining outside, the children didn’t have the recess component part.  Instead, we all joined together in a big circle and did circle time in the classroom.  We did the “good afternoon” song again (the 3 year old remembered and said we did the song twice today), rolly-polly, land acknowledgement song, “grr grr went the little brown bear” song, itsy bitsy spider, and the animal freeze tag song.
• Throughout the program today, the 3 year old wanted to stick with her dad and barely wanted to let him go.  I didn’t like that one of the other moms there looked at my child clinging on to my husband and gave her a curious/pitiful look.  The look was very unnecessary.  Like, okay, you see that a child of the same age as her daughter obviously needed comfort and to be held.  Why is that a problem?  Why make her feel uncomfortable?  It’s so unnecessary.
• Today in fact, there were two other kids who weren’t comfortable with separating from the parent at first.  Eventually, they went back to the classroom to play with the other kids but our daughter was not the only one who was with the parents’ component.  Towards the end, just like yesterday’s JTK program at the Richmond Hill site, a few kids wanted to join the moms too.  (In my opinion, there’s not enough toys and activities to do inside the classroom so towards the end, the kids were probably feeling antsy and bored.)
• The 15 month old felt really warm last night and I could tell she had a fever without us needing a thermometer for it.  She took baby Tylenol throughout the day and the fever had diminished.  She had no more coughing or stuffed nose, so grandma made a guess that perhaps she is teething.  Either way, I’m glad she isn’t coming down with an actual cold.
• Now that we got new shoes for the 3 year old, she actually wanted to walk in the supermarket instead of sitting in the grocery cart.  She was happy in her new shoes.  I was happy too.
• The 3 year old again peed in the potty today for the first time since 2 weeks ago (when she began the JTK program).  I really hope we are back on track now and that she isn’t scared anymore.
• From the program today, DH and I learned one of the things we can do to help her is to create a safe and quiet place for her to retreat to when she is experiencing big feelings.
• When asked how we decompress as parents, we came to the conclusion that doing anything uninterrupted is basically our jam.  A few parents mentioned going out, getting a facial, going to the spa to relax — yes, of course, those are very much preferred activities to relax and unwind, but they’re not always accessible to us.  For me, I said, even getting a snack in by myself without having to share is a win.  Or any meal by myself.  Others mentioned binging on a show at the end of the night when the kids are asleep or vegging out on the couch, scrolling on our phones — I do all this and it’s termed a “revenge bedtime procrastination” online too.  Basically to do anything without a child asking for attention and having some alone time.  (Or like as simple as wanting to vacuum the house without the toddler wanting to do it too.)
• DH didn’t participate in the discussion so I asked him in the car after the program what he would have answered.  His answer floored me.  He said he would like to cook and clean. 😳😳😳  Lol.  I said, “But what about stuff you want to do and enjoy?”  He said he likes cleaning the house and getting to chores.  LOL.  Well, no wonder he didn’t want to answer there and I’m glad he didn’t because for sure all the women would have been like, “Well, aren’t you the perfect husband then and lucky you for having a husband that wants to clean and cook as his free time!”  LOL.  Wow.  I’m so grateful and lucky to have him.
• April 10:  We cleared out the play area of excess toys because their toys were strewn everywhere all the time.  DH said that the Aurora location said that if their toys are always on the floor, it means that they have too many.  Thus, we put a lot of their toys in the basement (and will have to rotate them).  The next day, the 3 year old didn’t even notice or comment on the fewer number of toys.  I noticed she played longer with the car track toy and the keyboard too.  It really works to clear out toys so that they can play with the toys they have for a longer time and with more focus.  I miss the days when the 3 year old used to build creations with her magnetic tiles daily.  She doesn’t play with it as much…
• The 15 month old always has to “watch her back” with her sister because she never knows if she will be swiped from behind or pushed.  The 3 year old was sitting in a chair and moving around and the 15 month old wanted to sit in the same chair too.  It was only when the older one moved away from the chair that she wanted to attempt sitting in it.  And then when the older one came back, she quickly moved away.  She knows that her sister doesn’t like her sitting in the same chair.
• The 15 month old was running a fever (I don’t even need a thermometer because I can tell when she is warming up next to my skin) but refusing to take her medication.  It was so tough because DH was at work and grandma also wasn’t able to get her to take the medication either.  I cooled her off with a frozen lemon that we had in the freezer as well as cold washcloths.  Once DH was home, he was able to feed her successfully with the medication.  What?!  Anyway, it must have been teething because she was fine again the day after.
• The 15 month old hasn’t been wanting to nap by herself in the car seat.  For two days, she passed out in my arms for an hour two times in the afternoon.  It’s not normal for her but it’s probably because she’s not feeing well.
• I am so thankful for restaurant outings where I can eat and both kids are eating relatively well in their seats too (the 3 year old in the booster and the 15 month old in her tray table).
• We went to a brand new EarlyON location that we hadn’t been to before in the west end of Markham (I wanted to check it out because it’s a future site of JTK).  The 3 year old didn’t want to go unless DH came too.  And she wanted him to sit next to her too, so I had to be the one driving.  It was all 5 of us packed into the car and even when we got there and into the building, she wouldn’t go into the classroom.  Me and the younger one and grandma went inside the classroom first and while explaining to the facilitator what has been happening with my firstborn, I broke down crying.  I felt so defeated.  How could we be at EarlyON already but she didn’t want to come in?  DH was here with her.  She was THAT fearful of EarlyON and that someone could be taking her away again.  I was so sad and upset.  I just couldn’t help breaking down.  Eventually, she did come into the room with DH and played a bit.  But still, I was so shaken and disappointed.
• The 3 year old loved playing with the sensory table where they had what looked and smelled like turtle pellets with shovels and small buckets.  The 3 year old had a blast filling up the bucket with the pellets.
• Later that day, we had the solar eclipse experience.  We had all bought the solar eclipse glasses online and DH also made a homemade one with a toilet paper roll.  It was such a neat experience.  We all went out into the backyard deck to view it.  Unfortunately, there were a lot of clouds and we couldn’t see the totality part but we were able to see the before and after.  I experienced the darkening of the sky and even our entire house was so pitch dark that it looked like nighttime in the middle of the day, the birds chirping so “weirdly” in the middle of the day, and then chirping again like it was morning and sunset when the totality had passed.  The child said she also saw the moon in the sky.  The 15 month old knew of nothing that was happening, really lol.  We had the livestream on the TV too.
• It was a bad week, it felt like, to me.  I was crouching over the sofa to take a photo of something and underestimated and fell back and totally fell on my tailbone.  That’s never happened before.  It’s so unlike me, even DH said.
• And I guess, as I was telling a friend, I was still mourning the loss of the kids’ very good pediatrician.  We were rejected/given false hope by one that we would be accepted and now have to start our search again.  The waitlist could be over a year long too.  Sigh.
• We also went to “Playful math”, a 4-week EarlyON program that’s for the kids to learn math concepts and discover how math is fun.  I was again defeated when we had to go with DH and that the 3 year old didn’t want to go with just me to the site to start the program.  We arrived early and on time but we had to sit in the car to wait for DH to finish his remote meeting before we could go in.  Sigh.  We only had 45 minutes left of the program by the time we checked in.
• Once there, she clung on to DH.  There were very few kids and adults there.  I don’t understand why they don’t have more kids in the program.  They certainly put in a lot of effort to run it and think of ideas for the program (there were only 4 kids and 4 adults).  They could certainly open up the capacity limit (just like for the Twinkle Toes program how they didn’t realize they had incorrectly set the cap at 10 people instead of 10 families).
• Anyway, the facilitators and the supervisor noticed that the 3 year old was much more clingy and uncomfortable than usual.  While I was there, I couldn’t help but voice my experience about the JTK program yet again to another mom that was there (that I know).  And I also spoke to one of the facilitators there about it too when she asked us why we were late to the program.  I had to explain that we had to wait for DH in the car to finish his meeting because she wouldn’t come in otherwise.  She told me about the Fearless Triple P program that they run at EarlyON which could be helpful to our case.
• After the class, I spoke to the supervisor about it and unfortunately also broke down when I started telling her about what has been happening.  She also wanted to tell me that she had simply crossed the path between her and the child during the program but the child jumped back to DH so quickly as if she was afraid that someone was going to grab her.  So she also wanted to talk to me about what she observed.  She assumed it had something to do with the JTK program and she was right.
• It’s interesting.  Now that I’ve spoken to 2 different supervisors at 2 different EarlyON locations, the way they handle my “complaints and experiences” is very different.  The one at Markham, she apologized for what I experienced and wanted to know how the other centres did certain things so that they could improve/copy them too.  With this one, she actually explained to me that the parents’ component of the JTK program caters to different people differently.  Some parents want to receive information only, some want the lecture style, not everyone wants to do the circle time/interactive thing.  I understand what she meant.
• However, she did say that their centre is definitely “innovative” — that was when I complimented her on the way the Thornhill site runs their JTK sessions.
• She also told me that she trains the staff at other locations about JTK too.  No wonder — she was very neutral and politically correct in everything that she told me.
• She said that my child is young and that she will get over this.  (Yes, I know it’s true but currently it feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders because I can’t even take her to a program but her needing her dad as a safety pillow.)
• She also told me that it wasn’t a good idea to enroll my child in 3 different JTK locations at the same time as it could be a stressor for the child.  (If only I knew this before.  I really thought it could have been a beneficial thing for her.)  In the same vein though, I was talking with my friend who is a kindergarten teacher about this, asking her if I enrolled my child in too many JTK classes and she said, “No!  It’s great!  This is the perfect opportunity for her to go to school with mom and dad.  When she goes to actual kindergarten school, it will be hard because most schools don’t even allow the parents to enter the school because of safety.”
• Perhaps the supervisor said this to me because she doesn’t want me comparing different locations and pinning one against the other and also this was the only way I discovered that the Thornhill site was the “best” one.  Maybe she doesn’t want her program to be overrun or too competitive with people that aren’t in the local region?  No clue.
• She also asked me if I have anxiety.  “Um, I don’t think so?” was my answer to her.  She said I will discover if I do or not in the Fearless program.  And if I do have it, it could be why my child is easily anxious too.  Sigh.
• She said the facilitator will reach out to me about the program.  I’m open to doing it and hoping it does help the child adjust and move on from what we’ve experienced.
• This has just been a very hard and bad week for me.  But I know I’ll get out of this eventually and it will pass.
• Oh, and I withdrew her from the Richmond Hill JTK programming.  It’s too much for her right now and honestly the parent component there wasn’t engaging or inspiring.  (I also rather her attend the Playful Math program.)  So now she just has 2 JTK programs.