Week 208 motherhood – 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th day of school, Markham Children’s Festival, EarlyONs with one child, Twinkle Toes

Eating her lunch and snacks after school at the park

Week 208 of motherhood with 3 year old 11 month old and 20 month old.

Warning: It’s another long blog post! 11,000+ words coming up. Wow, this may actually be my lengthiest post ever!!

September 5 to 11, 2024:

September 5: Third day of school for the firstborn! We need to leave the house a little earlier because by the time we were walking to the kindergarten gates, the first bell already rang indicating that it was already 8:30. All of the students were already inside the gate and lined up. The teacher shortly appeared there and ushered the students in. The child once again didn’t want to wear her backpack (second day she doesn’t want to wear it — she wore it just fine on the first day). The child didn’t want to go into the gate and was hesitating. I saw a parent go right through the gate with his child so we did the same too. I took her backpack in my hand and when we got to the door of her classroom, I told the teacher she didn’t want to wear her backpack. She responded firmly and promptly, “But she has to wear her backpack!” She took the child’s hand and took the backpack too and I turned away and quickly walked out of the gate. Grandma was standing at the gate entrance watching from afar.
I love that her teacher is firm but gentle. I also like that she updates photos online every day on the school platform.
Fast and easy drop-off today. Yay!
I am just SO glad that the child hasn’t said that she doesn’t want to go to school despite the difficulties so far. She understands completely that she has to go to school and I’m really glad she’s not physically fighting it.
I ended up doing a grocery run with grandma and the secondborn (who passed out in the car) and then I took the secondborn to the Songs Rhymes and Stories in Cantonese EarlyON at 1:30 p.m.
It was our first time coming here in a while and definitely my first time bringing this 20 month old alone without the sister. I liked that the facilitators did a different program now (probably because they received feedback from the previous sessions?). They let the (mostly) babies look at Chinese books and then collected them once more parents and babies had showed up. (It’s a 0 to 6 year old program but I’m not sure why it tends to trend towards the younger babies.) Then they did an introduction song with a drum around the circle to hear everyone’s names. Then they gave the babies each a turn at picking out a popsicle stick from a jar which had the name of the Cantonese song on it. This was so fun and interactive. For each song, they sang it three times so that the kids and parents could remember and be familiar with the song. If the song happened to be picked again later in the circle, it was only sung once. This made sense.
My child happened to pick the “1 2 3” song, one that I know well and we’ve sung before at home.
I really liked all of the classic Cantonese songs that we sung. It made me feel happy and reminisce about hearing these songs in my childhood. I didn’t remember all of the words for all of the songs sometimes because they’re so formal so I was glad that they had the lyrics up on a sheet for everyone to sing along to.
Then as the babies were getting antsy, they did a parachute activity with a song and then one with “5 little monkeys jumping off the bed” in Cantonese using five stuffed monkey animals.
By this point, my child was starting to get agitated and was pointing at our bag. She wanted to eat snacks. Thus, we sat at the table behind the circle and she had some water and Goldfish crackers and Cheerios.
I put her on one of the child chairs and moved away the “adult only” low stool. I explained to her that she couldn’t sit on that one because it didn’t have a back on the chair and she could easily fall. She kept pointing to my stool and her chair and the stool because she noticed the difference.
She was so happy snacking away as the rest of the group did a song with silk scarves and then read two books. There were other kids who were starting to wander. One was nursing and one was also looking for snacks too.
We had to leave at 2:40 as I wanted to be there for the firstborn’s school pickup again. The program was slated to end at 3:30 so I was surprised when we were leaving that the facilitators were doing the final Zoom Zoom song and telling parents it was the end as well. It makes sense though because babies this young (they all seemed to be younger than my 20 month old; she was the oldest!) can’t sit and pay attention for more than 1.5 hours.
I met grandma and DH at the school again and we were earlier today. We were able to watch the child come out of the doors! She had her backpack on. Yay! I saw her smile come up as she noticed us at the gates and waving to her — so happy to see us.
The teacher gave us feedback for her day. She said there were good news and some bad parts too.
Firstly, the child once again didn’t eat a single thing and didn’t go to the washroom either. She did navigate two feet from the cubby area though, so that is an improvement. The teacher jokingly wondered how long it would take for her because the carpet area is all the way at the other side of the classroom lol.
She said the bad part was after lunch time, the child was “very upset.” I took this to mean that she was probably crying a lot. Apparently, there were some new lunch monitors who were in the room and despite the teacher’s warning about the child’s unwillingness to sit with the kids probably tried to talk to my child or tried to get her to sit with the others and it caused her severe anxiety and not wanting to be disturbed. I can’t imagine what happened. My poor little girl. 😦
The teacher opened her Go Go Squeez drink again for her but she didn’t want it again today either. She also had a table for her to sit at for lunch but she didn’t want to eat yet again. The teacher said she is quite concerned that she’s not eating at all and that she’s never had a kid like this before. She said if this continues that we might have to have her see a doctor. I didn’t want to get into the specifics, but I did mention how her hunger strike started at the Seamless Transitions program and she wouldn’t eat with other kids in a school setting. I personally think it’ll just take time because she’s not used to the environment yet.
The teacher noticed the child’s birthday was coming up and confirmed that she was still 3 years old currently. We said that’s correct. The teacher said that her being one of the younger ones in the class makes sense why she’s acting this way — she’s still young.
The teacher said the child looked like she wanted to go to the washroom at one point but hesitated. She had been watching all of the students play and go back and forth in the classroom.
Another win was the teacher said that they had an assembly in the school gymnasium today and somehow the child went with the rest of the class. Apparently she brought her jacket and was clutching it (I guess it must be her security blanket 😟). It’s an amazing thing though because she actually left the classroom with the other students and was okay walking from the classroom to another brand new room in the school too.
The teacher has a new folder for us where she would keep communications between the parents and us in her backpack.
While we were at the kindergarten gates chatting with the teacher, one of the other teachers also told us how the child showed us the family photo to her today during recess or something. That was cool. So the child had some interaction with another teacher! 👍
This same teacher saw the secondborn and asked how old she was. I mistakenly answered “two” at first but then corrected with “almost turning two”. I wonder if she is asking that because she wants to know when this next family member will join the school system lol.
The teacher also said that the child seemed to be warming up to her (so glad to hear this). DH could see it too. He could tell by her body language that she was more comfortable with her teacher.
I know one day it’ll happen where the child will tell us things the teacher told her at school to us at home and she’ll listen more to the teacher than to us, haha.
The child almost didn’t want to leave with us. It seemed she was so comfortable behind the gate lol.
Then DH went home to continue working while grandma and me and the two kids stayed in the park. The child drank water. Her lips were so dry and starting to peel. She opened her snack box and lunch box and she ate it together with her sister on the playground curb (since the picnic table was occupied and the child said she didn’t want to eat with others).
She fed her sister Goldfish crackers and grapes and parts of her banana pancake that DH packed for her. The secondborn also preferred to be fed today lol.
The child isn’t as famished as I would expect considering she didn’t eat anything all day. She ate a little bit and then both kids went to play at the playground. They played on the ladybug ride, the car, the carousel, and the swings. They were so happy and the older one was so happy to see her sister and hold her hand. It’s so heartwarming to see.
It was also another beautiful day. It was more hot today at 25 degrees but dipped closer to 23 degrees at pickup time. It’s been such a beautiful week of weather lately. So perfect to be outdoors.
When we got home, both kids were bathed. By 6 p.m., they were both famished and ate early. I hope the 3 year old ate enough. DH says her body feels scrawnier. 😦 We’ll have to weigh her to see if she lost any weight recently.
I have been talking to friends about this and the friends who understand the child’s situation all say it will take baby steps and that it’s normal for kids in a new situation to not want to eat. My kindergarten friend said, “Her anxiety is taking over her hunger but when she gets comfortable, she will eat.” I totally know this will be the case too. It’s just a matter of how many days or weeks it will take and how long the teacher will be patient enough to deal with this (especially as she’s never had a case like this before).
I really hope that she goes to the washroom tomorrow, especially if she tried to take a step today to go. I honestly hope she eats something too but I feel like it’s asking a lot all at once.
At home, the child tells us she isn’t hungry at school and that she doesn’t want to eat with others either.
The child also told me that she saw that there were a lot of toys in the classroom too (so she walked far enough into the classroom to see!).
I asked the child what the assembly was about and she told me that it was about “school things”. Ahh, there we go. So she is starting to understand English haha.
She also told me that while all the other kids were sitting cross-legged, she was squatting on the floor lol. Typical… she likes to do things differently.
She also told us that during recess time, she was running around today and that she ran to the gate to see if she could see me (😟). Grandma didn’t have the chance to go peek at her today during recess. It would have been nice to see if she was truly running around and playing somewhat. That would be a huge improvement too from just standing at the wall.
At night, I overheard the child saying to DH that she doesn’t like going to school and why she has to go to school. As long as she doesn’t act on not going to school and only says these things, it’s fine and part of the growing pains. I know she’s improving slowly and bit by bit. We have to stay the course.
She went to bed around 8:40 p.m. but I don’t think she fell asleep until 9 p.m. when grandma went to accompany her. I hope we continue to see lots more improvement tomorrow. I hope the lunch monitors don’t bother her tomorrow.
I asked DH to bring back the kitchen toys from the basement so that the 20 month old has more to play with in the play mat area. Now that he did so, she definitely likes to play with the kitchen items more. She likes hands-on activities and likes us to accompany her while playing.
DH was looking back at old videos of the firstborn and by this age of 20 months, she was already speaking a lot and in short phrases. The 20 month old secondborn currently only speaks a few words here and there but nothing like a phrase yet. I’m not concerned at all. A lot of kids don’t speak before they turn 2 years old. This one is just not as fast as her older sister in speaking. She communicates just fine by pointing and grunting. But DH does want her to speak more words.
For example, when she is thirsty, she will clear her throat and make a cough. Then we’ll know her throat is dry. But she could definitely say “milk” or “water” too. She just doesn’t want to because the onomatopoeia seems to be easier for her (and it works as we understand her so she doesn’t have to work to say the word).
It is really nice to spend this one-on-one time with the 20 month old at EarlyONs now. I get to be with her and make new memories. I get to see what makes her tick and what she is interested in. When we brought both kids to the EarlyONs, it was almost always grandma who looked after the little one while I stayed with the older one.
September 6: Fourth day of school for the firstborn. It was lightly raining this morning so we had our umbrellas with us for school drop-off. Again, the child didn’t want to wear her backpack. DH was at the office today so I held the secondborn as grandma ushered the 3 year old into the kindergarten gate and she was able to hold her backpack when entering the school door. It was very easy to drop her off. She didn’t hesitate and went straight in. Yay!
Upon leaving the gates, a lady approached me and asked if I was the parent of the 3 year old. I said yes. Turns out she was one of the lunch monitors and she wanted to ask what language we communicated in so that she could help the child at lunchtime — help her to eat something and be comforted. She had tried Mandarin and Cantonese and English but the child didn’t respond. She said there has been improvement though as the teacher said she moved a little bit further into the classroom since the first day.
- Her own daughter was a grade 1 student and they were new to the school having moved here recently. She said she works full-time but works as a lunch monitor. She was just finished dropping her off at school and saw us.
- I told her that my child usually needs about an hour to warm up to strangers when we’re with her so now that she’s in a new environment by herself, it’s taking some time for her to adjust to school.
- She was really kind and nice. It was really nice to meet her.
- Her name starts with an A (and is the name of a well-known musical, for those who know.)
It was nice and peaceful to have the 20 month old at home with us in the morning. She played nicely with the kitchen play toys.
I was really grateful that DH prepared the 3 year old’s lunch box to school so I wouldn’t have to do it so early in the morning. She wakes up around 7:10 a.m. and it’s a bad dash to get her ready and eat breakfast before we leave around 8:10 a.m. An hour sounds like a long time on paper but in the mornings, the minutes zip by just like that.
(The child asked for pancakes this morning and while DH is usually the one to make her pancakes, I made her pancakes for the first time. I made mini ones and she actually put two of them in her lunchbox. We were hoping that she would eat her lunch if she put in the food herself.)
(We weighed her this morning and thankfully she weighs the same as she normally does, so the past two days of not eating lunch and snacks during the daytime hasn’t interfered with her weight [yet].)
I had my monthly facial booked around noon and it finished at 1:08 p.m. It meant I had enough time to pass by the school to see the child for her last couple of minutes of lunch time recess. I arrived at 1:22, 3 minutes before the bell would ring. I made sure to stand far away from the gate so she wouldn’t see me.
What I saw made my heart break: my little girl was crouched down against the wall of the school with her hands over her eyes. 😥😪😪😪😢😭😭😭 Sigh. She wasn’t playing or interacting with others and wasn’t even looking at others.
When the bell rang, the supervising staff told the kids to put away the yard toys and line up to go inside. The child was still not moving. After a while though, one of the staff members crouched down to talk to her. I wasn’t in her line of sight the entire time as I would move back and forth behind the slide so she wouldn’t see me. The next second when I looked, she was inside the school.
Sigh. What a sight. It hurt my heart to see her like that. 😢😭
I commiserated with a friend who also had a similar experience when her daughter was first in kindergarten. She told me that’s why it’s better to avoid dropping by for now. She told me to drop by in November and it will be much different by than. Sigh, I sure hope so.
When it was time for pick-up, we were there early to see the kids come out of the doors again. I watched as my little girl wore her backpack in front of her and smiled as she saw us waving from the gates.
She came out to me right away this time and held my hand. The teacher told me that it was a not-so-good day again, meaning that there wasn’t much difference from yesterday. She still didn’t eat and still didn’t go to the washroom. She didn’t do any centres. She stayed at the cubbies mostly.
The teacher tried to give her a table by herself to sit at but it wouldn’t work. She said for next week, she will move the child’s cubby to another part of the cupboards because her current spot is in the corner and she can’t see the child when she’s in the classroom and it’s dangerous. The teacher said she feels stressed that she can’t see her at all times. I agreed that it would be a good idea to move her cubby to the spot where she can see the classroom. This way, she can see better what is going on in the classroom and be more intrigued to join.
The teacher didn’t open her Go Squeez snack today because she didn’t want to open it and have it go to waste (as it’ll have open air). She was really concerned that she wasn’t eating though. I told her that I have talked to other parent friends and a kindergarten teacher friend and they all said that it’s rather normal for a child not to eat during the first couple of days of school because they aren’t comfortable or used to the environment yet. The teacher said she had never faced this issue before (it made me think how long she’s been teaching kindergarten for).
The teacher also said that at lunchtime or something, someone must have prodded her shoulder or touched her because it set her off. 😔
The teacher asked if she eats at home right away after going home. I said that she likes to eat at the playground and then play there for a bit before we go home and then she eats a regular dinner. The teacher asked if the child knows that the playground and the school are basically connected and I said, “Yes, she should know that.” I told her that the child tells us at home that she isn’t hungry at school and doesn’t like to eat there with others. She wonders if there’s any way we can get the child to eat or someone to accompany her…
She said that she’s started documenting events for the child.
Anyway, we will keep trying for next week. And that was that.
Again when we left, the lunch monitor lady I met this morning said hi to me as she had just picked up her daughter too. She told me that she talked to my daughter in Cantonese during lunchtime but she still didn’t want to eat anything. She said there was an improvement already because the child turned away from her the first day and didn’t respond. Today, she was actually listening to her talk.
I confided in her today that I came to peek at her during lunch and I saw her crouched down next to the wall with her hands over her eyes. She told me that she probably cries on and off throughout the day. 😢
When we left, the child wanted to eat in a playground area so we found an empty bench to sit at. She finished the Go Squeez bottle and then ate two mini pancakes and a few grapes. She was so happy and chatty and smiling. She ran from the bench to the playground area and danced and giggled. She was letting loose from the day. She said she was bored sitting there all day and waiting to come home. I said, “Well, that’s because you weren’t doing anything like playing or eating. If you eat or play with the others, time will pass by faster.” DH tells her the same thing at home.
After that, we went home. After washing her hands, she continued snacking. She ate two Laughing Cow cheese wedges, some crackers, milk. She ate regular dinner that evening too.
After dinner that night, I was looking through the photos on my phone trying to find something when I noticed the photos of us at EarlyON. I felt so emotional and sad. The child was so happy with me at EarlyON, especially the last couple of months when we were at the summer camp and we would create things and play together. I miss being with her at EarlyON so much. 😢😢 I miss spending time with her. It made me cry because I felt like we were pushing her out in the real world and she obviously isn’t ready for it. It made me so sad that I saw her being so miserable at school during the lunch recess with her hands over her eyes like that. It’s a sight that is so painful and heartbreaking.
It made me wonder if DH and I made the right decision to send her to school. I mean obviously it’s time for her (like other 3.5 and 4 year olds to go to JK), but it just made me really sad how vulnerable she is and how she’s been adapting with so much difficulty too. 😞
I think I was upset too because grandma has been stressed today from cooking and feeling like she didn’t have enough time to cook that when she saw the child, she yelled at her in frustration when she needed to be held to the door and couldn’t stand for a second so that she could find the keys to open the door and then rushing her to wash her hands at the kitchen sink because she had to cook. I mean the child has had a tough day at school already. Don’t yell at her when she’s at home in her safe space. I know I can’t control others’ behaviour but the meanness just made me really upset too, kind of like the straw on the camel’s back.
I commiserated with my kindergarten teacher friend who gave me such good wisdom about her own experience as a kindergarten teacher and how she herself was like my child as a kid too. She grew out of it when a classmate befriended her and played with her at school. My child needs a loving classmate who will play with her too at school to feel less alone.
She reminded me it’s only the first week and it will take time for my child to adjust to such a new environment. I know I realize it too but the emotions really got to me today. My daughter has been with us since she was born — every day, every second. Now she’s off on her own and doesn’t know how to act or react in new situations. It just so happens that she is more anxious than other children too.
My friend said that she had a child in her class who didn’t eat for 2.5 weeks when starting school too. Gradually, he was used to the environment and ate. She said that if the child doesn’t eat after 2 weeks, that’s when we should be concerned and that a social worker might be needed to come in to work with the child. And that by documenting what’s happening now, the teacher is concerned and wants to help and the documentation is the beginning of a meeting with the rest of the school to see how they can help the child.
Talking to my friend was like therapy and I felt so much better at the end. I just need to give her time. “Timeeee, time is on my side.” I’ll always remember my education professor back in teacher’s college singing this phrase which has been stuck in my head since, instilling within us the concept that all children need is time (to learn, to grow, to adapt). I know my child needs time, but I feel like I’m in the tunnel and I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel yet. It’s really hard.
(I just looked it up for the first time and it is from a Rolling Stones song! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUDr9YJGUBE )

How neat to hear it finally in the song. 😊 All I heard for years was the professor’s voice in my head and now I hear the original of how the song goes!
At home, the child told me how she saw a sand station and there were scissors in the classroom too. She is observing and picking up what’s available in the classroom. I can’t wait for her to play with such items.
And TGIF! We don’t have to wake up early for the next two days and the child can eat to her heart’s content (and hopefully fill in the void of whatever she missed during the last THREE days of hunger strike).
This also reminds me that because we eat so casually at home (with us sometimes spoon-feeding her because she asks us to), she definitely isn’t used to eating on demand at school and with strangers and by herself. This is a fear to overcome. Should DH and I start the fear ladder strategy again? I think we should!
The 20 month old while at home today actually pointed to the potty and wanted to sit on it. She wanted to sit on it butt naked so I pulled off her pants and diaper. To my surprise, she sat on the potty and actually produced a small bit of pee!! I was so surprised and shocked. And then she sat on it again and this time, produced a bigger pool of pee! Wow! At 20 months old, she has produced her first pee while sitting in a potty!
I’m not expecting this to continue nor do I want it to because 20 months old is too young to be fully potty trained. After our potty training experience with the 3 year old, I definitely don’t want to push her until she’s actually and fully ready. Most kids aren’t ready for PT until 3 years old anyway. I think it’s too young. She’s not even 2 years old yet!
September 9: Over the weekend, we went to the Markham Children’s Festival at Aainin Community Centre. It was a really windy day with scattered rain and occasional sun and clouds. Since most of the activities were outdoors, this mattered lol. DH bought a play pass for the older one (and he wanted to get one for the younger one too but I was like, “No, she’s too young and it won’t be worth it.).
The kids played with mega blocks, corn sensory table, the regular playground, mini putt, inflated animals, giant chess pieces, sand bag throw and the older one did the maze, inflatable bouncy castle, and one other thing.
I was really pleasantly surprised that the older one wanted to crawl into the inflatable bouncy castle herself to jump with the other kids in there. She was brave and showed no fear or hesitation at all. And if it weren’t for the staff member who asked for all the kids to exit the bouncy castle (because I think they forgot to keep track of how many kids entered it), the 3 year old would have continued jumping inside. She was having the time of her life. I remember last year at the fun fair, she was interested in this same activity but was too fearful to go in. Both DH and I were really proud of this moment.
I also noticed that since school began, I can walk away from the 3 year old a little further without her freaking out and needing me to be next to her immediately. Yay, she is getting used to being by herself!
We left around 3:30 p.m. after 3 hours of playing (we could have stayed longer until 6:30 p.m. had we packed a lunch) and went to dine in at an AYCE sushi lunch. The 20 month old once again had passed out and we were able to enjoy 90% of the lunch without having to cater to the younger one. The older one sits really well at restaurants to eat by herself now.
The next day at night, DH and I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary! :O As it is our monthly date night next Sunday, we decided to take the 3 year old with us to dinner so that grandma wouldn’t have two weekend in a row where she would have to look after 2 kids. We dined at The Keg. It was the 3 year old’s first time at such a fancy establishment. She did really well. She sat in her seat and occasionally stood up in the booth to look around at others (noticing someone’s table had the same pink water bottle as her sister did) and ate and enjoyed the free dessert at the end too. She passed out in the car around 8:30. She’s been waking up at 7:30 every morning on the weekend despite not having an alarm. It’s a good thing though because she is used to the school wake-up time now of 7 a.m. — making sure she gets enough sleep every night.
Today September 9, her fifth day of kindergarten. Drop-off was straight-forward, as much as can be. The child didn’t want to wear her backpack. When we got to the gate, the ECE saw us and ushered the child in and took her backpack in her hand. She led the child in and tried to get her to wear it but she wouldn’t, so she took it to her classroom and put it inside. Meanwhile, the child waited outside with the rest of her fellow students along the wall before they were able to go inside. It is so cute to see my child lining up with the other children.
When we went to pick her up today, I was dismayed to hear from the teacher that it was the same thing again. No improvement or progress made. 😦
She asked us to stay behind as she wanted to have me go with the child inside the classroom to show her where the washroom is. The other day, the child said she didn’t see where the washroom was. Honestly, she probably knows where it is but just is saying that.
Anyway, it was my first time entering her classroom and it was really nice to see the layout of it, where the cubby is, etc. Turns out the cubby area is much closer to the sand table, tables, and washroom than I expected! The teacher moved her cubby from the corner to the outer edge so that the teacher can see her at all times (honestly she should have done this by the second or third day if she realized the child was going to hide there all day). She expressed to me concern that the child wasn’t going to the washroom and that we should get her to wear underwear instead of Pull-ups and that they would only be allowed to wear diapers in school because of a medical need. She said that tomorrow, she can sit in a plastic chair to watch the class but then the next day, she will have to wear underwear and learn how it feels to get wet in order to push her to use the washroom. And if she needs to get changed, she either needs to change herself or someone will change her or I will have to be called in to do it. Honestly, that isn’t ideal because I don’t want to enter the school to make it a habit that mommy is here and “mommy to the rescue” kind of thing.
The teacher tried to get me to take the child to the washroom right there and then but the child said she didn’t want to. The teacher said “want” and “need” are two different things. I asked the child again if she needed to go but she said no.
The teacher also told me she mentioned to the other teacher how this child is sitting at the cubbies and the other teacher said that’s fine. But when she mentioned she isn’t eating or going to the washroom, the other teacher said that’s not normal. So this is why we have to force her to go to the washroom at school.
One really good thing the teacher told me today is that at recess time, one of the SK girls held the child’s hand! She said it was really sweet. She tried to get the same girl to get my child to use the toilet and do some activities inside the classroom but my child refused.
Also while holding hands at recess, they tripped and fell. My child scraped her knee really badly and needed a bandaid but she wouldn’t let anyone put one on her — not the teacher or another teacher or student. She just doesn’t like being touched.
While I nodded and agreed with what the teacher was saying, when I left, I felt a lump in my throat and a knot in my stomach. I felt like she was forcing my child to pee in her pants just so she will go to the washroom. But honestly, this isn’t how my child is going to tick or be willing to go. She’s not even comfortable in the classroom yet. How is she going to want to go if she has nothing to pee because she barely drank any water that day? We cannot force her.
As well, I don’t want to be called in to have to change my child at school. It’s embarrassing for her and not a good thing for me to have to enter the school like that either. The child isn’t wetting her Pull-ups and they don’t have to be changed. So what’s the matter? She’s using them simply as underwear (except they’re “just in case” underwear in case she does pee in them on the odd time).
The teacher also told me that because she can’t assess the child, she doesn’t know if she knows the alphabet or numbers or her colours. Meanwhile, she already has a grasp of what the other children know. In my head though, I was thinking how this is only still the first official week of school — we’re only 5 days in — and there is plenty of time for that later. She said that the next steps are to get a support worker for the child. Other than that, she said the child may not be ready for school… And in my head, I was thinking, “So do you mean I should take her out of kindergarten??” Honestly, that’s not even an option or solution because it really takes this child T I M E to adjust. We haven’t even given her a full week or 2 weeks yet! I felt like the teacher is getting stressed and running out of ideas on how to help the child adjust. Really, the child just needs TIME.
The child ate from her lunchbox in the park again and then wanted to run around and play in the playground. I know how desperately she needs that time to release and unwound from what she experienced during the day, so I was all in it for her. She loves playing at the playground. She was on the carousel when at least four older girls joined her and tried to take it over. Surprisingly, the 3 year old stayed there and didn’t move until later. She later asked me why she was playing with those girls and I said it’s because you felt comfortable to stay and sit with them.
Once again tonight, she fell asleep in the car around 8 p.m. (as DH was driving them home from his parents’ place). I hope she gets enough sleep for tomorrow and shows more improvement tomorrow. I really don’t want the teacher to have to call in support or go to next steps with the principal (she already said she’s in talks with the principal). Sigh.
The 20 month old has been saying more double-syllable words now like “po po” (pick me up) and “ye ye” paternal grandfather.
September 10: 6th day of school. During drop-off, the child again didn’t want to carry or wear her backpack. I asked if it was because her backpack was heavy and she said yes. The ECE was near the gate and saw us and said good morning. Then she ushered the child in and took her backpack too. I said, “Sorry, and thank you!” She tried to get the child to wear her backpack but to no luck. She had the child line up with the other kids in the front of the line and put her backpack right next to her on the floor which I found was funny lol. When it was time for them to enter the classroom, the child picked up her backpack herself to take into the classroom haha. So it’s never that she can’t do it. She just doesn’t want to.
I wrote up the note to her teacher last night about the child’s history and what she has experienced to possibly make her act the way she does. I was awfully proud of my work as it includes how she was like as a baby and toddler (not wanting others to be held and needing one-hour warm-ups with us before she felt comfortable with strangers), when she started EarlyON programming and how she enjoyed it and excelled in the Creative Chefs classes and ate with other children just fine, the JTK incident, the resulting trauma and recovery period that came after it, Seamless Transitions and the beginning of the hunger strikes, the Fear-Less Triple P consultations, seeing improvements over time, then potty training success in August, and finally the summer camp programs in July and August which saw a difference in how she became comfortable when attending the same routine and environment each day. Needless to say, it was long (about 1,600 pages). I also included at the end my comments and thoughts about all this, basically telling the teacher that all the child needs is time. She needs time to adjust to a new environment, especially when she doesn’t know anybody and doesn’t know the language. AND the fact that she has these previous fears and traumas and we are still working on her eating with others. It’s a lot for a young child to process. I really hoped that by having the teacher read it that she will understand the child more to give her more grace and time.
At pick-up today, I was looking forward to what the teacher would say about the note. Surprisingly, she didn’t address it herself first. I was the one who asked her did she read it and she said she did.
She told me they had a fire drill today and the child listened and followed behind her (she wanted the child close to her instead of at the end of the line for safety purposes — they want the JKs all crunched in a caterpillar-like line).
She told me the child sat in the chair and sometimes stood today. But then after lunchtime, someone moved the chair. (In my mind, I was thinking, “Then why couldn’t you have just brought a chair back?) Otherwise, still no eating or going to the washroom. She tried to have the girl classmate talk and play with her (among others), but it didn’t work.
She then talked again about the pull-ups situation and how she wanted the child in underwear the next day. She especially said if her pull-up is dry at the end of the school day anyway, it won’t matter if she’s wearing underwear. I said to give her time and maybe think about it for the end of this week or next week instead. I also said but in case she does have an accident in her pants though, she wouldn’t be able to change herself or want anyone to change her and I’d have to be called in. And that wouldn’t be good because I don’t want her to know that mom can come in at any time “to the rescue” and also, it’s embarrassing for her at school to wet her pants and it could be potentially traumatic for her. I asked if no pull-ups is a hard rule and she said no they aren’t. But she understood my point about if she pees herself on purpose to make me come get her, it could be a very bad habit to get rid of.
I told her that the child probably doesn’t have anything to pee out to begin with because she’s not even drinking water. So the first step we need to focus on now is actually getting her to eat and drink.
The teacher said, “Okay, we’ll focus on her drinking water first then. She can drink water in the cubby area like the others do.” Yes, I thought this was a better idea than focusing on the toilet-using. But still, I knew that it was a comfort thing and the child still wasn’t adjusted to school yet. I told the teacher that we are only on the 6th day of school and that we should give her 2 full weeks to adjust. It’s still early.
She said that me and her need to be on the same page and asked me if there’s any way I could try practising with her at home to drink water and eat. But I told her she has no problem doing that at home. I told her at home, the child goes to the cupboard herself to get snacks to eat and will drink water easily. It’s a situational and circumstantial issue here.
The teacher said it’s like there’s a big gap between her at school and her at home, like a “river”, so we need to figure out how to cross it and blend it together. I told her I’ll think about it and let her know but honestly letting her have time was the only solution… The teacher just doesn’t get it… I really thought that after she read my note that she would understand the child more and that she just needs time. This teacher seems to want to undertake strategies to help the child, but all my child needs is no pressure and TIME to adjust.
She asked if the child wanted to go into the classroom and try using the potty. I said I don’t think she wants to… The child said no and wanted to leave already. The teacher invited grandma this time. And because the younger one was eager to go inside too, all 4 of us all went inside. It was better this way because as I was talking to the teacher inside the classroom, grandma was with the 3 year old inside the washroom and showing her. She didn’t pee but it’s still good to have her be more familiar with the school washroom.
I asked the teacher how were the other 14 students in her class. She told me that she has 10 SK kids and 5 JK kids and that the other kids are fairly independent. She had all of the SK kids last year too so there’s rapport built already and they know what to do. In my head, I was thinking, “Wow, this is really easy (for the most part) for you then. She really only has to focus on my child” which is probably the reason why she is very hyper-focused on helping her incorporate with the rest of the class. I really appreciate her efforts but I want her to just let the child do things on her own pace without pressuring her too much.
Then we left and the teacher said that every day, we can do this — have the child enter the classroom to try to familiarize herself with the toilet. Wow, it’s very impressive that this teacher is so willing to dedicate and carve out after-school time for us like this. I really, really appreciate her for doing that. And I’m not complaining about her teacher one bit.
The child went to the picnic table (didn’t want to sit there at first because there was an old man sitting there too but we told her he’s not even looking at our side and it was fine to sit there to eat). She finished her Go Squeez packet and then her sister wanted to go to the playground to play, so I accompanied her. Soon after, the older one wanted to join us too. We played for a bit before we went to the park bench where she ate her lunch. She is so happy after school to see us and play carefree in the park and playground.
One incident that happen while we were at the playground was that both kids were on the play structure. There were about 8 to 10 preteen kids counting down on the sand. Once they reached the count of “10”, all of them ran up and climbed on the play structure. My 20 month old was on the bridge at this time and she was very startled because all of the preteen kids were so much taller and bigger than her. I climbed up the play structure as fast as I could and took her in my arms. This was so unsafe. Good thing the 3 year old wasn’t as scared and had wanted to slide down the slide too. I walked with them down the stairs. It was very audacious that the preteen boys didn’t have a care in the world for our safety and one of them almost ran into me as he was going up the stairs. I hate kids like this. Good thing we weren’t injured or anything more serious.
When we were playing on the carousel, I was really exhausted (because of a transcript the prior night and then writing up the note last night, both nights I only got 4 hours of sleep). I was sitting on the carousel when an older girl started pushing it (because grandma was having trouble pushing it due to the carousel being locked at the bottom these days) and then an older man was pushing it too. We had some conversation and realized that his daughter who was near us was the same girl that is in the child’s classroom and who has been holding her hand yesterday and helping her out! What a great coincidence and to finally meet them in person. The girl was so sweet and called out the child’s name so sweetly. I can tell she is a clever and helpful girl. The dad turns out to be an elementary school teacher. It was really nice to talk to him as well. He was very impressed that his daughter progressed really well in school and was reading and writing brilliantly. It was all thanks to the teacher and the fact that they’re in a half class. It was nice to hear all this. I do know that the teachers and principal and school is in a good neighbourhood.
The 3 year old wanted to run in the field and go to the further park. I didn’t mind it but I know grandma had to pee (and she didn’t want to use the porta potty at the playground) so our visit was cut short. It could have been longer. We were there until 5:10 p.m. and DH was on his way home soon. Playing outside is the best release and recharge for the 3 year old. She needs it every day. It was also another beautiful day of 23 degrees, warm sun, and a small breeze every so often. Gotta enjoy these last beautiful days of late summer.
Today, me and grandma took the 20 month old to a new location of EarlyON for Family Stay and Play. I had been wanting to visit this elementary school all of last year but the timing never worked out (because the program is from 9:30 to 11:30 and usually we don’t wake up early enough to attend it) and they were closed during the summer months. I liked how the facilitators there were very sensitive and caring and kind.
Once we entered the space, the 20 month old immediately went to the play kitchen and started playing with the food items, pots and pans, etc. She loves playing with those things. There were a good number of other kids too, all around her age or younger. There were nobody older than 2 years old there. The child looked at some books, played with the doctor set (she liked this and went back to it often, especially the blood pressure monitor, stethoscope, and glasses), lining up the toy cars, riding on the blue “bike”, and then washing her hands for some snacks. We had circle time and the child sat in my lap for the songs and stories. She was getting tired though and so by the time we left and she was in the car at 11:45 a.m.ish, she fell asleep. It was perfect so that grandma could rest and I could get some transcript work in. (She slept in the car seat until about 1:45.) This is a good routine: To go to EarlyON in the mornings so that we can have some peaceful time afterwards when she sleeps and then pick up the older child in the afternoon.
The 20 month old still poos twice or 3 times in a day (so much fibrous foods intake) and has been sleeping better this week. DH put her back to sleep in the original bed that her and I used to sleep in instead of the floor bed in the older child’s room. The 20 month old prefers the old bed. It makes sense. She can usually sleep from 9/10 p.m. to 5 a.m. now. Good routine. But sometimes, she does wake up at 3 a.m. or 6 a.m. It’s DH’s job during the night to take care of her.
Oh, we had two times this week where the 20 month old wanted to pee in the potty and she did! She pointed to it and so I took off her diaper and let her sit in the potty. The first time, she waited and actually a drop of pee came out. I was so surprised! Then she said she wanted to sit on it again. This time, there was a whole pool of pee. I was so shocked and impressed!
She did it again a few days later with just one drop of pee this time. But still, she kinda knows. (It’s hit and miss but mostly a miss because she’s so young still.) But I think it is still a very cool achievement.
September 11: 7th day of school. Officially one full week. We had her hold her lunch bag in her hand today so that her backpack wouldn’t be so heavy. Again initially, she didn’t want to hold her bags but I gave her a choice to hold the lunch bag or backpack and she said she would hold the lunch bag. And then before she walked through the gate, we slipped the backpack on her shoulders. Since it was much lighter than yesterday, she was okay with wearing it. She walked through the gate all by herself and didn’t even need an ECE today to guide her inside. I watched as she slowly walked to the doors and to the left side where her correct classroom door was. She walked to the end of the line and next to her classmates. Her favourite friend was next to her. I saw her friend saying something to her but of course my child didn’t reply or really show much reaction lol… Again happy for another improvement (that she walked in all by herself!).
This morning too, I e-mailed the teacher a photo of the fear ladder we used for the child when training her for getting ready for kindergarten. I also took a few photos of the fear ladder section book in the Fear-Less Triple P workbook too for her to understand what the concept is. Hopefully it will be of use to her. But I really don’t want her to force the child to do things until she is ready herself…
In the morning, I finished a transcript (my 6th one in the past month) — very productive! I either have been working at night when everyone is asleep and burning the midnight oil or during the day when the little one is napping (infrequent) or during the morning when DH/grandma can oversee the secondborn. Thus, I have been quite tired the past few days because I procrastinated on the transcripts until the last day and the requests have been coming in quickly.
After lunch, I brought the secondborn to the Twinkle Toes class again. This was the second class. Unfortunately, she didn’t fall asleep right away in the car and so she missed out on probably 15 minutes of nap time. I timed it so that she would sleep during the entire car ride and while we parked at the site. Oh, well that it didn’t work out today. She was crying and unhappy that she had such a short nap. I held her while we waited for more kids to show up and before the class started.
I really like that the 3 facilitators are SO enthusiastic about the class with lots of good positive and fun energy. The Twinkle Toes program at the Thornhill program wasn’t as fun as this one. There are more kids here too. We did the same introduction drum song as last time, the same opening songs, the Tap Your Toes song (my favourite too), and the Cha-cha slide. We did some silk scarf play and bells too. Props are so fun. Then it was time for a break at 2:30 for ten minutes. I decided to stay until the break ended around 2:40 before we would leave. It’s a balancing act between wanting to be there at the school early for the pickup for the firstborn and wanting to stay longer at the program to let my secondborn experience more of what the program had to offer. I didn’t think I would leave early today either, but it’s still early in the school year and I really want to be there for my firstborn when she is picked up from school. I want to see what the teacher says too now that we have a daily after-school feedback and chat session.
DH was waiting for me by the time I got to the school. And by the time we walked to get the child, she was already outside with the teacher waiting for us — oops! All the other kids in her class (who didn’t have an aftercare program) had already gone home. The teacher invited us inside to have the child practise going to the washroom again. This was DH’s first time inside of the classroom and I’m glad he now knows what it looks like too.
While I chatted with the teacher, DH went with the child inside the classroom and try to wash her hands.
The teacher told me that she tried to leave the child’s water out on the cubby today so that she would drink the water. She also prepared a number of laminated flip cards with the word and picture for her to learn words like: water, sit, toilet, snack, go, etc. I liked that idea and thought it was smart.
She said that various support staff like the EA and DECE and lunch monitor and herself would try to get her to drink water (and go to the washroom) today. But she wouldn’t want to. She even had the friend drink water beside her but the child didn’t want to. The teacher said that the friend started to feel discouraged and this was a fear of hers that if the kids start feeling discouraged, then they will stop going up to the child to try to help her.
The teacher also said that today, her pull-up definitely wasn’t dry because she saw it expand in size. Okay, so what, whoop-de-doo that she peed today in it.
I told the teacher that for tomorrow, they should ease up on the reminders for drinking water and going to the potty. It’s a lot of pressure for the child even though they don’t mean to give her pressure. I don’t think the teacher liked my idea. It seems like she really wants to DO things for the child to help her. But again, my point all along is just to do nothing and give her time. Eventually, the child will gravitate towards the classroom when she’s comfortable to do things herself.
The teacher said the child would stand sometimes today instead of just sitting at the cubby — another improvement!
The teacher said that she is busy teaching, doing prep work, phonics with the other kids and that she isn’t by my child all the time. She only checks in with her periodically. I understand that. The teacher thinks I think she is hounding my child to drink water. But when you have so many different people throughout the day (and the students) who are just in her face telling her, “Drink water” or “Go pee”, that is overkill and it really is a lot of pressure for the child. No one likes to be told what to do and multiple times by different people (who she doesn’t even know and don’t have rapport with her yet!)
The teacher also said that she noticed the child rubbing her eyes very vigorously when she tried to talk to her, as if to shield herself and not look at who is talking to her — kind of like “if I can’t see you, you don’t exist”. Well, I’ve honestly NEVER seen my child do that ever. That means too many people are in her face telling her to do things!
The teacher was concerned because her hands weren’t washed and there are germs and pink eye is a condition that goes around the school sometimes.
DH tried to wash hands with the child inside the washroom but she was resistant and didn’t want to.
The secondborn gestured to take off her shoes inside of the classroom but I told her that we didn’t need to. Then she went straight for the shelves with the toys and started playing with a plastic motorcycle and some wooden doll house furniture parts. She really enjoyed it and didn’t want to leave.
The teacher said that we have to bridge the gap between school life and home life. She said we should let the child do more things independently at home like washing her hands and going to the toilet so that she can do it at school too. Yes, I know. It’s a work-in-progress. I told her that it will take time. Like, it’s only a few hours after school at home before the next day starts again. We won’t see progress that quickly. The teacher acknowledged and understood it’s not an overnight thing but the way she keeps talking about it is that the child needs to do it ASAP so that she can see progress the next day. She knows the concept but isn’t really giving us the time to do it…
DH felt that the the teacher seemed a bit frustrated and stressed and not willing to bend to our ideas. Perhaps it was the end of the day though and she was burnt out from the day. But she definitely is headstrong on her ideas and isn’t open to ours.
Honestly, she doesn’t even have to do much. Just chill out and let the child do her own thing. A week ago, she needed to be coaxed and prodded to enter the kindergarten gate and was crying. Now a week later, she can walk in herself with no issues. That took time! So please give her the same time for wanting to eat and drink inside the classroom and then eventually to pee on her own…
My mom did go to the school and peek at the child today during lunch recess and she said that she was walking the length of the kindergarten gate area to the other side. She wasn’t standing or sitting near the wall. Yay! That is a huge improvement! And then when the first bell rang, the child knew to go to the front of the classroom door to wait to go inside. And then a staff member told her to line up against the wall. When the second bell rang, the other students lined up behind her to go inside of the class. I’m so glad she’s not just crying by herself anymore…
The child told us today that during recess, she held hands with her friend again. Yay!
After we left the classroom, we ate at the picnic table as usual (the child was okay sitting with someone else at the table despite verbally complaining about it). She had her liquid pouch drink, some crackers, waffles, and cookies. Then she and her sister played at the playground. Around 5 p.m., we saw the friend and her dad and brother come by again. DH was actually on his way home with the little one to change her diaper, but it was too good of an opportunity to miss out on; I wanted DH to meet the friend and her dad. The two dads chatted together and we saw how the secondborn actually held hands with the friend. The friend really liked the little one too and followed her around. So, so nice to see such a sweet child and our kids playing together with them.
The firstborn is in bed by 9 a.m. now (ideally 8:30 p.m.). DH takes the secondborn with him to fall asleep in the living room after she has her nightly banana and milk. And so I’m free and have time all to myself by 10 p.m.! It’s so nice and freeing. I can actually do my own thing (like walk on the spot towards 10K) or work on a transcript or blog (like right now). So nice to have this freedom! ^_^
Waking up every morning by alarm by 7:10 a.m. is not fun. The morning goes by slowly (the 9 to 11 a.m. period) unless we take the secondborn to an EarlyON site.
It was another beautiful day today — sunny with a breeze and 24 degrees. The mornings are a bit chillier but nice still because of the fresh morning air. It will go up to 27 degrees tomorrow. So grateful for this gorgeous September weather we’ve been having. The afternoons in the parks are so enjoyable. The firstborn gains a lot of confidence by playing in the playground and running around. Today she took her shoes and socks off near the end too — the ground and sand beneath her feet 💝.
The secondborn is fearful of going down the slide. Poor thing. She sees her sister and the friend going down the slide. One day she will regain the courage to slide down it again too.