Week 21:

• Feb 11: Oh no… I have developed something called a “trigger finger” in my right ring and right pinky finger. Mom started to have this about a month ago (I had originally included this in the blogs but deleted it) and now I have it too… 😦 For my case, I suspect it’s due to constant aggressive messaging of my breasts during pumping as well as holding the baby (straining my arms and pinching certain nerves). Holding my phone and typing with the fingers curled constantly can be a contributor too. It’s scary to think my fingers might not be able to bend properly at will if I don’t get it treated. I basically have to rest for 4 to 6 weeks.
• After a day of resting and withholding from massaging the breasts during pumping, at least it hasn’t deteriorated into more pain or being unable to bend. But I still need to be vigilant otherwise it will get worse…
• The left hand is starting to have these symptoms too..
• Feb 13: She fell asleep by herself for the first time!!!! That’s a big thing.
• “Met” a lot more relatives this week via video calls due to Lunar New Year. We put her in a traditional Chinese outfit and she did pretty well. She smiles so nicely for photos now.
• She does this thing where she baby talks just before falling asleep for naps or nighttime. She babbles on and on before she finally sleeps.
• Bought a second Haakaa to try double manual pumping on both sides in between pumps to be more consistent. It’s so tiring to pump that I sometimes push the time later and later but it’s not good for my supply at all. As well, hopefully I can pump without massaging the breasts too much to save my fingers this way.
• Feb 14: Visited a massage therapist for a much needed full body massage. If you’ve talked to me at any point during the yearlong lockdown, you’d know this was one thing I desperately was in need of but didn’t go out for because I was adhering to provincial physical distancing protocols and lockdown rules to avoid non-essential activities. Well, I couldn’t take it anymore. The accumulated fatigue on my body and the new trigger fingers needed to be looked at. We consulted a family friend about a trustworthy venue and I finally got my knots loosened and fingers looked at.
• She commented that constantly holding the baby has curved my spine a bit (😢). Thank goodness for deep tissue massages to correct the problem.
• She said my trigger fingers aren’t serious yet but to prevent it from worsening, I need to stretch and shake my fingers often. Thank goodness there is a remedy/prevention. I need my fingers to make a living!
• She also said to train the baby from not wanting to be held all the time especially as she grows older and heavier. (How?!)
• The two folded towels she placed under my shoulders was a great relief as a pillow for my breasts. I could feel my right breast was more full with milk than the left. I haven’t been emptying the right breast as cleanly.
• When she noticed my deep red stretch marks, she commented on how deep they were and for me to “go to Shoppers to buy a vitamin E cream” to reduce the look of them. (She also asked if the baby was large. I said, “No, she was __ pounds.” She then said my stomach must have been large and I agreed that it was — well, duh, I was growing a human!!) Anyway. Um.. why do WOMEN of all people do this? Why are my stretch marks on MY body HER business and why is she conforming to society’s ideals of a postpartum body being devoid of stretch marks?! Why is she saying I need to look a certain way? What if I like my stretch marks? I see no desire in getting rid of them or reducing them. This thing here is exactly why women become depressed and oppressed because women are always told in society to look a certain way, especially when it comes to pregnancy and female topics. I happen to like my postpartum stretch marks!!!
• Next time I get a massage in the far future and someone comments on them, I’m going to clap back and inspire them to think differently by telling them I like my stretch marks and don’t understand why I need to have them changed. Body shaming is wrong.
• Baby gets into a dazed look whenever she is tired and needs a nap.
• I’m continuing to shed hairs each day, more so after washing my hair.
• It’s curious that 95% of the hairs I lose are the shorter ones instead of any full length ones. It’s almost as if I’m losing back the hairs I gained during pregnancy.
• Baby has perfect complexion these days. She doesn’t scratch to leave marks anymore and her face is smooth and clean.
• Feb 15: My right breast nipple area started to become painful and a bit sore from the breast shield. I had bought the 30mm Medela breast shields about two weeks ago in anticipation of this happening. It’s the second time I’ve upgraded my breast shields to the next size up and I hope it’s the last. (I went from the common 24mm to 27mm to now 30mm…). I don’t know whether my nipple area is increasing in diameter because of my pumping or perhaps I’m pumping for long sessions that it’s getting inflamed.. Anyway, not a good thing in my pumping journey. The next size up after this is 33mm, which is not even available in stores. I believe I have to contact the Medela manufacturer to get it.. which would be a pain.
• I got a second Haakaa! I bought it off of Amazon again but this time the original link/vendor was sold out. I bought one off the next vendor which had the most five star ratings. I read about people’s experience on the forums saying how there were knockoff Haakaas and most of the ones from Amazon aren’t from the original New Zealand brand. Instead, they’re from China.
• My Haakaa arrived in two days thanks to hubby’s prime account and upon opening it, it is different from the first one I have. The product packaging has been slapped with a “made in China” sticker too. I bought the knockoff version unknowingly. Sigh.. I hope it still works just as well as the first one I got. I’m going to attempt using it as a double manual pump in between pumping sessions.
• Mom and I calculated for the first time how much baby drinks each day. For the past four days (Feb 10 to 14), she has had intakes of 820, 820, 740, and 790 ml ish per day of milk. This means that as long as I make a minimum of 850ml a day, I definitely have enough for her.
• Currently in the fridge, I only have two 75 ml bottles of milk… It is such a fine balance between oversupply to the point of having to feed the fridge versus a just enougher and staying on top of what she needs.
• Feb 15: mastitis 😦 😦 😦
• Feb 16: last bottle from the fridge has been used. 😫
• Feb 17: First bottle I ever froze from Nov. 17 2020 has been taken out and thawed and fed to her. She took to it. Yay!! But also..noo because I’m digging into the freezer stash. But also yay because frozen milk can’t last forever (good for 3 to 6 months).
• Stupid stubborn clog is still present. On the antibiotics to kill off the mastitis but my supply is also at its all time low even though I’m pumping every 2 to 3 hours again. It’s like back to how often I pumped during the newborn stage..