Week 209 motherhood – 4 years old!, 21 months old, double cakes

The child’s 4th birthday card (homemade by daddy)

Week 209 motherhood with 4 year old and 21 month old.

September 12 to 18, 2024:

September 18: I’m actually kind of lost for words this week because of the past two weeks writing so, so much about what has been happening to the firstborn’s first days at school. I’m a little burnt out and exhausted perhaps from writing about the play-by-play last week, so this week’s blog post is just a recall of what happened instead of all the daily details. (Update: blog post is still wordy at 3,890+ words, FYI.)
We’ll start with last Thursday where we once again had a very long conversation with the teacher after school and where the teacher requested that we go inside with her to essentially “force” her to either use the toilet or wash her hands and that the next day, she had to do one or the other before leaving the school. Um, harsh, much? This is exactly the opposite about what I was talking about to the teacher when I was asking her to give the child more TIME so she can adjust to school. How can anyone do anything if they feel pressured to do it? It’s like a pressure-cooker. I actually didn’t even want to deal with the teacher so I let DH enter the classroom with the child to do it. Plus, the teacher said she didn’t want the secondborn going inside either because it was going to take too long (because she was playing with the toys last time we were in the classroom). The secondborn threw back her head and cried the moment she was told she couldn’t go into the classroom. Poor thing. I stayed with her outside while they tried to do the hand-washing thing inside.
The child refused to wash her hands by herself under the guise of the teacher. DH did it with her hand-over-hand. She can do it. She just doesn’t want to.
Both DH and I don’t think that this routine is helping anyone at all. The child is pressured and stressed. She is hungry after school after not eating all day and just wants to hang out with mom and dad and eat. I honestly want to just pick up my child from school without lingering there for 10 minutes listening to the teacher talk and talk about how this and that isn’t working when all the child really needs is time to adjust and to feel comfortable enough to eat and drink in the classroom. We also think the teacher is not patient enough and stressed with not knowing what to do at this point. She’s not taking our simple suggestion: just relax and let the child want to do it herself. She’s safe at school. She’s not misbehaving. All she’s doing is observing first and then participating.
I also told the teacher this example: that the child was crying and unwilling to go into the kindergarten gates on the first day of school and was crying the entire 100 minutes. And then now look, one week later, and she can walk into the gates independently and without crying and not cry at school one bit either. That’s a BIG improvement and progress already. So all she needs is time to continue feeling comfortable at school. She needs TIME to do things herself because she’s not used to being independent. When I told the teacher this example, she didn’t say anything and appeared to brush it off. That’s not nice. She’s not counting the small wins, which are BIG wins to this child!
DH and I decided for the next pickup that we wouldn’t stay the time after school to chitchat with the teacher or to go into the classroom to force the child to do the hand-washing routine. It’s a waste of time. I didn’t want to waste the teacher’s precious time anyway — especially after last week when she said she was just being “polite” in answering our questions. I felt so much anxiety and stress from talking to the teacher because she was stressing me out. Her tone of speaking, nonstop chatter, overall energy.
I also felt like she was purposely telling us the child had no improvements each day so that we will listen to her advice and strategies only. What do you mean the child has no improvement? She’s also been making a friend at school! (The friend she holds hands with during recess.)
My teacher friend said it isn’t good for the child if the parents and the teacher are not on the same page and I understand that, but this teacher also isn’t listening to what we are saying and telling her. She just seems to go off to do her own thing, which clearly isn’t working with our child.
Drop-off on Friday was easy. The child wore her backpack and her lunch bag around her neck and walked in. Grandma and I peeked at her and I waved at her once she was standing in line with the others. She said something to me but I couldn’t hear it over the distance of the gate and then she looked like she was going to cry so we quickly ducked our heads behind the container so she wouldn’t see us again lol. Oops. Still too soon for that.
When pickup time came the next day on Friday, we swiftly took our child when she was released from the gates and the teacher said bye to her and didn’t ask her to go inside the classroom. Perhaps it was a Friday and the teacher had other things to do too. I’m SO glad she didn’t require us to go inside and lecture at us again. I felt so much relief to just escape and leave. I had been dreading pickup because I didn’t want to talk to her.
On the Thursday in the morning, I took the 20 month old to the Unionville Library mobile EarlyON for the first time. Now that I have the little one with me and the older one at school, I can go to all these EarlyON sites that I had wanted to go to with them before but wasn’t able to because we never woke up early enough to lol. It’s great. I actually hadn’t been inside this library inside before even though it’s so close to me. It’s a cute small library and the EarlyON site was located inside a small room. It was small but had all the centres that most places do with a kitchen, painting, sand table, reading nook, toys for babies, etc. It got a little crowded unexpectedly at the midway mark but it was still okay. One of the facilitators was actually the same one as at the Twinkle Toes class yesterday! She recognized us immediately when we walked in. That was nice.
At the midway point, the 20 month old was thirsty and hungry so we went outside for a little snack. It’s so nice to sit with her and eat. There was an older girl who sat at our same table too.
When it was time for circle time, most of the other adults and children had cleared out already so it was a much smaller group. As expected, as we drove home, the little one fell asleep. So nice to have some time to myself (not long, but still nice as she woke up soon after).
On Friday, I took the little one to Zumbini by myself where my friend and her son also attended. It was nice to be at Zumbini again. The 20 month old wanted a snack midway so we exited and she ate basically all of her strawberries and grapes. Later, she ate some crackers at the end of the class (we didn’t even join the rest of it because she wanted to snack outside). She passed out in the car when I was driving home.
During the Friday pick-up, the 3 year old told me that there was a little girl she referred to as “jade jei jei” who told her about a tree with many branches where she had left some sticks for her to play with after school. I walked with her to the trees in the school yard to find which one it was but we weren’t able to find it. At first, we did find a tree with some popsicle sticks at the root and thought it was it but then the child told me it wasn’t it. It was neat that she was communicating with these friends. She told me she doesn’t want to speak English though (stubborn one). I know she understands the language now but is just slow to want to speak it.
That evening, we had an early birthday celebration for her as she was turning 4 in a couple of days. We got take-out pizza, sushi, and the usual Chinese food since that’s customary for her paternal side to dine on. DH blew up some balloons (that we very luckily received from someone through my ISO post in the buy nothing groups) and made the cake toppers. I was also able to luckily get a cake surprise bag from TGTG too! (DH originally planned to make a cake for her but it didn’t go well so we were going to buy one.)
The two sets of siblings stood next to each other for the first time as we were taking the cake photos. It was awkward but a little cute lol. My two kids were holding hands. The little one would smile brightly at the camera but then she looked at her sister who wasn’t smiling and stopped smiling too lol…
The next day was Saturday and since we had no other pressing plans, DH and I took the kids to the Saturday EarlyON so that the older one could get used to being inside a classroom environment (to eat and go to the toilet and play as we usually did many times before). We were late out the door and actually weren’t able to enter the site (DH could though with the 2 kids but due to capacity limits, I couldn’t go in — we had to wait for a family to leave before I could go in). However, the 3 year old didn’t want to leave my side so we walked outside for a little bit and then I asked if she wanted to play in the sand area area near the tree area. (DH was inside with the 20 month old already.) By the time we walked there, the 3 year old said she wanted to pee so we went to the EarlyON to use their washroom. It just so happened that as we walked towards the door, I saw a mom and her baby leave. Thus, it was perfect timing for us to enter the site. Yay!
The 20 month old loves playing with the kitchen food toys. She found a cell phone toy and held it against her cheek and said “hai”… just like grandma does at home sometimes when speaking on the phone with someone lol. It’s funny. There was a tent there too and she would hold the phone and go into the tent to talk. It was like she wanted her own privacy during a phone call haha.
When it was time to clean up and I told her to put away the kitchen toys on the shelf, the 20 month old followed the directions to a tee. She is very good at cleaning up toys at EarlyONs. Good job.
For the first time, the 3 year old did the toileting and hand-washing all by herself! I didn’t need to help her (and she didn’t want me to help her anyway). She can do it! We just have to have her comfortable enough to do it at school.
When the 20 month old was hungry, she gestured to the baby chair so I brought her water and snacks so she could sit there to eat. The 3 year old sat and ate at the table at EarlyON for the first time in months too. There was a little girl who came to sit at our table after too for a snack and the 3 year old wasn’t fazed. Yay! Improvement!
During circle time, she didn’t want to stand by herself and wanted DH to carry her or sit outside of the circle. DH didn’t want to do that so he coaxed her by having her be part of the circle anyway and manually helping her to dance and be part of it. She had fun; I was glad.
That evening, DH and I had our monthly date night. We didn’t eat anywhere fancy but it was such a breath of fresh air to eat without interruption and to eat at our own pace. These moments are gold.
On the Sunday, DH took the kids out to the neighbourhood in their new wagon (that our neighbour very generously gifted to us) while I finished my transcript at home. Finally, my last transcript of the project I’ve been helping my friend out with is completed! I can rest now.
We also got a new foldable camping chair for the kids that our neighbour didn’t want either. It’s been nice to sit out on the porch because the weather’s been so amazing.
That evening, we had an early Mid-Autumn Festival dinner with my extended side of the family. I’m glad the 3 year old is unfazed now at these gatherings and keeps to herself by drawing and eating. The 20 month old was content to sit in my lap to eat too. She unfortunately didn’t want to sit in the high chair. The dinosaur sticker book and fidget toys and water wow books keep them screen-free occupied at these restaurant gatherings. I was grateful that the food at the Chinese restaurant arrived really quickly too so there was barely any down time.
On the Monday was when the 20 month old started feeling unwell and had a runny nose and coughing a bit. Poor thing. She is always prone to colds very easily. The 3 year old seemed a little sick but the symptoms were very mild. She had been taking Sambucol once she started coughing a little too so I think it helped.
On the Monday when it was pickup time, we again swiftly had the child exit the gates and have her walk with us on the picnic table next to the school. Unfortunately, the teacher apparently didn’t see her exit and walked across the yard to where we were at the picnic table and ~~“yelled” at~~ lectured us for not saying bye to her because she was talking to another parent and didn’t realize the child had left already. She said she was freaking out because she didn’t know where the child was. DH and I were just like… okay. The teacher was like we needed to say bye to her or the child say bye to her because it was a safety thing. I definitely understand that. I really don’t like how she has to go on and on about the same point like a broken record. It’s not pleasant. We understand the point, you said it already, so move on. She really needs to calm down. Another alternative could have been she already saw us with the child — she can just leave a note in the log next time to remind us instead of running all the way over to us to freak out at us. It’s really not well-received.
On the child’s actual birthday, the teacher told us that some kids made her a paper crown with her favourite colour green but she didn’t want to wear it. That night, we had our usual dinner at home with a few takeout items and cake too. The child enjoyed cutting her own cake and was pretty good at dividing the small cake into four slices.
We weren’t able to go out for lantern walking this year for the actual Mid-Autumn Festival day since the kids now have to sleep early. It’s too bad. We had a nice time last year and the pictures we shared with family were really nice too.
The now 4 year old really enjoyed eating the mooncakes too. She wanted to cut them herself as well.
The teacher hasn’t said anything recently about forcing the child to ditch her Pull-ups and wear diapers so we haven’t done it yet. We know for sure she will wet her pants at school if so and we are just not ready to pick her up from school to change her (don’t want to interrupt her routine or let her know that mom/dad coming to school is an option). We’re pretty sure she won’t let anyone change her so the school will have to call us in (that’s what the teacher said anyway). So as long as we can go another day without forcing her into diapers just yet and have her be more comfortable with the school environment, then we’ll do just that.
DH and grandma have been occasionally peeking at the child during morning and lunch recess and they see her holding hands with the friend and standing/walking with another girl too. So she has essentially 2 friends now!
Grandma saw her bringing her water bottle outside for recess once too. And we actually thought she drank water at school because the water level on her water bottle was lower than during the morning when she first went to school. However, the teacher told us later that the water bottle had simply been spilled because some kids tried to get her to drink water.
They went out on a nature walk around the school property. The child told us it was near the bridge and where the ducks were.
They had a day where firefighters came to visit them on a surprise visit but the child said she didn’t notice them lol.
They have a lot of cool activities and centres that the teacher shares on the school platform site. It’s really too bad that the child hasn’t warmed up yet to play with the centres yet. The teacher really wants to see her colour and play with sand — things I told her that the child enjoys doing.
Today after school, the child had been crying because she was blowing her nose and ripping up the Kleenex into little tiny pieces while at the cubby area. The teacher told her to clean it up, but she refused. Other kids tried to help her clean it up too but the teacher wasn’t sure if the Kleenex had been used so it wouldn’t be sanitary for them to help. Thus, the child was crying because she didn’t do what the teacher asked her to do. This is a big lesson for the child to learn. She frequently refuses to do things at home too but we let her slide. Now at school, it’s the real world. She can’t just refuse and not take responsibility for her own actions anymore.
And we definitely understood what the teacher was talking about. But again, she talked on and on and repeated the same thing for 5 minutes. It really isn’t necessary. We already understood what she was saying… It’s really tiresome.
DH said that despite it all, the child seems to enjoy going to school. She doesn’t complain and doesn’t say she doesn’t want to go. She willingly goes in the morning. And this morning, she even went with just grandma (I stayed home for once) and asked to wear her own backpack by the time they got to the grass area. It now is just a matter of time before she finally takes a further step into the classroom to eat or drink or use the toilet or play. I wonder how long it will take… We are on the 12th official day of school now/3rd week in the calendar. September is zooming by. I can’t believe we’re past the midway point already (I used the word “midway” so many times in this blog post lol).
We have been playing outside in the playground after she eats nearly every day too. It’s just been a beautiful perfect weather September so far. Once it gets chilly, we won’t be able to eat outside or play in the playground as often anymore.
The child likes to wait for her friend to come to the playground after school (when she’s done her aftercare program). When the friend did show up today, she called my daughter’s name out so sweetly across the playground. She was so excited to see her. My daughter though was sheepish and didn’t really interact with her despite being happy to see her too. Ah, this child… Good thing the friend is very warm, friendly, and doesn’t give up easily. Or at least I hope so.
The 21 month old is speaking more now. This week, she started saying a short phrase: “Jei jei haam” (older sister is crying). Lol. The way she pronounces “haam” is so cute and purposely slow. She shakes her head no or says “hai” for “yes”. She is very vocal about the things she wants and we’re trying to get her to actually use the words more instead of gesturing and pointing.
DH hasn’t slept in the bed much this week because he’s accompanying the 21 month old downstairs on the couch where she falls asleep more easily. She keeps coughing and waking up in her own bed otherwise. When he leaves, she cries and can’t sleep by herself like usual because she’s sick and congested.
Because of her being sick, we didn’t go to any EarlyONs this week. No 3rd class of Twinkle Toes, for example. I was really bummed about that because I really wanted to take her to the programs early in the morning so she could pass out and have a good nap so that the adults can all have a break. Sigh. Have to wait for this to blow over.
Oh, and I did take the secondborn to visit a friend on Monday. This was before her symptoms came out. It was really nice to chat with my friend and see her daughter in person again. The secondborn loved playing with the items my friend had in her house. She enjoyed washing her hands there too. Unfortunately she didn’t nap that day because she woke up late and wasn’t tired out enough.
The 21 month old asks me to read books with her so often now. However, she doesn’t have the patience for every single page in the book. She will skip over pages and then get mad if I try to go back to the missed page. She literally holds the book closed so that I can’t open it to the previous page anymore.
When we were reading the fire safety booklet that we got from the trip to the fire station, she saw the fire picture and said “um” (eat) but I said no. Then she said “yeet” (hot) and shook her head. I said that’s correct. Then she would blow air out of her mouth to blow on it because it’s hot. Lol too cute. I want to record this but it’s hard to have my camera ready in hand when she does this. So she is learning and picking up things.